Alpine Adoration
by Shugo381
Summary: Mac's POV. Mac is uncertain about himself, his skills, and his odd relationship with Brodi. Slice of Life, Mac/Brodi, Slash, Minor
1. Chapter 1

Title: Alpine Adoration

Rating: 13+

Warnings: Mild Language, Slash, Mild Violence

Pairing: Mac/Brodi

Summary: Discussions really make you think. Thoughts lead to actions, and every action has a consequence. Although, consequences aren't always bad in the end.

A/N: This is in Mac's point of view.

* * *

So we go down the slopes again. I don't know how many times we've gone down it now, but I've almost completely memorised it. Although Brodi would say otherwise. I don't think he's ever agreed with me. On anything. Ever. But that's okay, because he's still fun to talk to.

We may have conflicting beliefs on a lot of things, yet we are still friends. I was incredibly happy when I found out that we were able to share our cabin during this tournament. Across the hall wasn't so bad either because it was Kaori and Elise, who are both nice in comparison to a lot of the other people. Although I feel bad for Eddie. He has to share a room with Luther, who is a huge slob, and doesn't give a shit for other people's belongings.

I place my headphones over my ears and prepare to take the long ride up the lift again. Normally Brodi rides the chair behind me, and we just keep to ourselves while we return to the top. Although today doesn't seem to be a normal day. Instead, he sat down to the right of me on the bench, and stretched.

"I have a kink in my neck. How about after this ride we just go back to the cabin?" He offers. I accept, as I am sick of constantly rerunning this slope. I already know I'll do well enough to get to the finals. He knows it too, but I think he's just trying to get me to freeze to death. Brodi only ever asks to practise together when the weather is in the negatives. Not that it makes much difference, with how long we're out here in a day, we're completely frozen in a few hours anyway.

It's fun though. Boarding for hours on end in freezing temperatures with a man of which you argue with about simple things may not seem fun, but it definitely is. It's not that kind of fun you get when you're with some friends watching a tacky motion picture, but it's also not the kind you get when you're just hanging out either. It's a difficult thing to explain, the amusement being around him brings to me, yet it's not.

If I was queer, I'd label our relationship as a "loving" type. Except it's not, we never do anything that a "loving" kind of relationship would do. We've even gotten into fistfights, where we've had people forcefully break us up. I remember one time I was yanked off of Brodi, whoever it was prying their fingers under my arms, which had him in a headlock. My lip was split open, and had a bruised rib. Brodi had a ring of bruises around his neck and a cut near his eye. All in all, it was our most violent fiasco, yet it seemed to strengthen our bond considerably.

So we go down again. This time Brodi screwed up on a trick and fell. I stopped and waited for him, laughing at how he screwed up such a simple jump. Although that wasn't really normal for him. He's never screwed up a jump like that before. Maybe he had a lady friend, and she was distracting his thoughts. Now that could be fun to tease him about.

So now we head in, greeted by a stereotypical fireplace and plush chairs. Elise and Psymon seemed to be arguing about something, with Kaori sniffling to the side. Presumably, Psymon was being a dick to Kaori again. If I ever catch him doing it, he's going to wish he's never been born.

Although I suppose that sounds slightly over-protective. The fact is though, is that Kaori is my "puppy dog crush." I don't think I've ever actually lusted about her, however she is definitely cute and I would have gladly dated her back in middle school. She really isn't someone I'd ever want to have sex with, it would just ruin my image of her purity. I suppose that's all it is though, my image of her.

I take off my snow-covered winter wear, and my socks. I sat on a reclining chair near the fire, curling my toes against the heat. Their fight seemed to have either died out and they dispersed, or they took it somewhere else. Either way, it was quiet. Brodi was meditating, and I was relaxing. Of course it was far too peaceful for it to last too long.

Luther came pounding down the stairs, a bag of potato chips in one of his hands, a beer in the other. How he was still in the tournament I am always left to wonder, and alcohol is prohibited, and he never practised. He was probably either friends with someone pulling rank, or a lot of the competitors weren't very good.

He jumped down on the landing, leaving a muddy print on the wood. He was wearing boots still, yet his were incredibly muddy for how much artificial snow there was out. Instead of asking, I decided to just amuse myself in thinking he was so heavy he sunk into the soil.

"There ya are, you faggots!" Luther exclaimed, pointing the hand that was holding chips at me and Brodi. "Are ya done haven your buttsex out there so I can board in peace?"

Brodi stood up quickly, his jaw clenched. He appeared as if he was going to hit Luther. But Brodi never used violence. Ever.

"Awwww, what's the matter? Do I got the receiver all riled up?" Luther prodded, his belly shaking as he laughs. He really is a pig.

"I am not queer," Brodi stated in a rather dangerous voice, his arms shaking in anger. "And neither is Mac. We have never had sex, and we never will. Ever. We are merely friends. Got it?"

"Right, right, ya homo," Luther said, waving a hand dismissively. He clearly wasn't listening. Brodi broke his own code then, whipping back and punching Luther in the nose. There was an odd crunching noise, and blood began to poor freely from both nostrils.

The room seemed to fill quickly after Luther was hit, and many of the other snowboarders whispered amongst themselves how the most peaceful of them finally snapped. Eddie seemed to either be the most courageous, or stupidest, not sure which.

"Uh, Brodi dude?" Eddie stated, tapping him on the shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, just fine," he responded sharply. He shook his head. "I'm going to my room. I need to cool off. That idiot really got to me this time."

"I'll go after him," I replied quickly, wanting to talk to him about what just happened. I followed him up the stairs, avoiding the caked dirt at the bottom. We reached our room, and I was about to ask him, when he shook his head.

"He struck a nerve," Brodi explained without being asked. "Some stuff happened when I was younger that caused people like that to get on my nerves rather quickly. I lost my temper this time."

"It's fine, he's a fag. Seriously," I respond, not really sure how to respond. So I suppose I'll just respond as myself. "He's a stupid, overweight, pasty, ignorant, fag."

"Do you have a problem with gay people, Mac?" Brodi questioned. It seemed kind of random, although I suppose since I generally use gay and fag in derogatory ways, it never hurts to ask. "I'd like to know."

"I don't see why it would matter if you were gay or not," I responded, attempting to figure out how to word it. "I have no problem with homos, because they are just like everyone else. They all have their own personalities, and who they choose to have sex with doesn't create their person. Why?"

"Well, I suppose because you always say things like 'That's so Gay' and things like that, it just kind of made me wonder," Brodi started, pausing. "Especially since a lot of people here seem to think I'm gay."

"They wish they could be as gay as you are and still be straight," I joke, moving my hair away from my eyes. "Because you're that kind of person, where your orientation doesn't make a difference, because it's not an important fact of your personality."

"I thought you just said your personality wasn't defined by you sexual preferences," Brodi responded, crossing his legs and looking at me inquisitively.

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain," I being, staring at him. "Like, there are some people, who are so gay, that's all you see about them. Then there are other people, who you totally forget their gay, because they never bring up their love life or make a big fuss about it. You'd fall into the latter if you were a homo."

So our conversation continued, each speaking our mind and debating about gay people, and terminologies for a lot of things. It was slightly uncomfortable, but it was one of those things that seemed like a pillow talk topic. Although pillow talk is more a girl thing.

I continuously felt an increasing urge to kiss Brodi, much to my horror. I know I have no problem with gay people, but I never viewed myself as someone who would be gay himself. Although we just covered this, it's not just "straight" and "gay" there are many areas in between. Besides, I only want to to see what it's like. I believe that would make me bi curious. I was listening to him, yet staring at his lips. They seemed to blend with his tan skin tone, yet they were obviously a different shade at the same time.

"Hey, Mac, have you ever thought of what it would ever be like with a guy?" Brodi asks, standing up to sit on his bed.

"I think this conversation sparked my first thoughts," I responded truthfully, looking at him. I made eye contact, not something I normally do. "Although I'm not really sure I'd be comfortable finding out anyway."

"Why not?" Brodi asked, looking at me. I shrug.

"I don't know. I just don't," I respond.

"I see," he responds, looking away. "That probably seems really awkward now that I think about it. I really hope you didn't get the wrong idea from that. I really don't swing that way."

"And I believe that, so stop making excuses for yourself," I respond jokingly, looking at him. "Otherwise I may think differently."

Night time seemed to come too soon, and pass too slowly. I spent a large portion of the night lying awake and staring at the ceiling, thinking of our conversation. I know if I were to retell the story, it would probably sound like we were hitting on each other. It's really kind of funny, actually. No one ever questions my sexuality, even I don't. Yet it seems everyone questions Brodi's, even though he acts more masculine than I do at times.

When I finally fell asleep, I had a strange dream that involved Brodi kissing me on the cheek and going down a slope. That wasn't exactly normal. It was disturbing, and made me fear falling back asleep. But tomorrow was going to be cold, so that means I better get some sleep otherwise I'm going to be tired when we go down to practise again tomorrow morning.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Alpine Adoration

Rating: 13+

Warnings: Mild Language, Slash, Mild Violence

Pairing: Mac/Brodi

Summary: Discussions really make you think. Thoughts lead to actions, and every action has a consequence. Although, consequences aren't always bad in the end.

A/N: This is in Mac's point of view. Aaaaand, I'm not pimping out Blink 182. It's canon he likes them. Also, anyone who's played SSX3 notice how much better looking he looks? Seriously.

* * *

Apparently it wasn't cold today. Or at least, not cold enough to get Brodi to bug me. I go down to the gym, hoping no one else would be down there. Of course that would have been hoping for too much. Both Elise and Brodi were down there, Brodi at the weights and Elise on an elliptical. Figures, they are both rather athletic.

So instead of stopping at the gym I wander down to the food court, seeing as how it was early enough for breakfast still. I sat down at an annoyingly-orange round table, where Eddie joined after me. I hadn't even noticed he was down here.

"So, Macky," Eddie starts, stabbing something greasy with a plastic fork. I cringed at his nickname for me. "How's Brodi now?"

"I think he's fine, he was in the gym when I walked by," I respond, looking at the other male. "With Elise, I believe."

"Ah, dude," Eddie said, lifting the fork up and waving it in a nonsensical manner. "They hang out a lot, those two. I wonder if they are like, f.w.b.s or something."

"F.w.b?" I question, looking at Eddie. "What's that mean?"

"Friends with benefits, my young companion," Eddie says, walking around behind me, placing one hand on my shoulder, and the other pointed towards the ceiling. "Fuck buddies, you know?"

"Yes, yes, I get it now, so move your hand," I respond, moving his hand off my shoulder. "But he's always in the room at night and stuff."

"Well, you don't have to have sex at night," Eddie responds, crossing his arms and looking down at me with a mischievous look on his face. "Macky, for all we know, Brodi might find it incredibly kinky to do it in an arm chair, or over a desk or something. Hell, maybe he likes collars, and chains-"

"Um, Eddie," I reply, rather amused with how much he was getting into it. "I'm not liking the pictures I'm seeing in my head. But it is super amusing imagining him complaining he got a splinter because he fucked over a desk."

Eddie seemed rather put out, but sat back down and finished eating. Needless, it was a fun talk. But imagining Elise and Brodi? I really couldn't see any chemistry there.

"Eddie," I say finally, looking at him, who was doing a small jig in his seat with headphones on. He paused his music player and nodded at me. "Exactly how did you figure this out anyway?"

"I dunno, I was more just testing you, Macky," Eddie replied, shrugging. "I kinda wanted to see your reaction at the thought of those two hotties going at it like bunnies."

"Brodi hot?" I respond, hiding a chuckle. "In like...a big buff manly-man type of way. Nearly all the chicks I know like scrawny dudes."

"And?" Eddie stated, placing his elbows on the table and leaning closer to me. "You can't tell me you've never wished you had his body, even if the chicks don't dig it."

"Well, maybe every now and then," I respond, crossing my hands together on top of the table. "But I can't say I'd seriously like a build like that. I mean, think of all the work you'd have to put into keeping them that way. Then, when your muscle all went away, you'd just look like a flabby dude."

Kaori was walking by with a plastic cereal container and milk carton. I hailed her over to our table.

"What'cha talking bout?" Kaori asked, rather bubbly as she ripped off the paper cover to the container. "I wanna give some input."

"Well, Kaori dear," Eddie stated, now moving his glance to the girl. "We were talking about how much we have innerly wished to have Brodi's fine body. Do you agree he is a hotty?"

"No, I can't say he is attractive, too old for my liking. And too tan," Kaori responded, pouring most of the carton into her cereal. "I like pale guys, and generally ones that aren't too conceited. There's no way a guy like that doesn't gloat about his looks."

"Kaori," I interrupt, looking at her. "I don't think you've ever talked about what you like."

"Oh, I suppose not," Kaori responded, spacing out. Eddie looked at me like I was crazy for saying something like that. She stirred from her thoughts. "Anyway, I have to go. Elise is helping me board."

"Ah! The Amazon woman!" Eddie shouted, looking appalled at the thought of Elise teaching Kaori anything. "I can't believe she'd help you! I mean, I suppose 'cause she's a feminist she probably wants you to kick our asses, but still."

"She's not a bad woman, Eddie," Kaori responded, both of them completely ignoring me. So Kaori got up and left, leaving Eddie to cross his arms in a "pouty" type of way.

I told Eddie I'd see him, and went back up to mine and Brodi's room. Brodi wasn't back yet, although I really wasn't too concerned with that. It gave me some time to myself. So I situated my headphones and turned on my music player, laying on my bed to concentrate on the lyrics.

Brodi came in a few minutes later, his hair wet with a towel around his waist. Apparently he took a shower somewhere else before coming back here.

"Where'd you shower?" I ask, pausing my music, sitting up and looking at the older man. "There is one in here, you know."

"I decided I was going to use the public showers. Didn't want to disturb you," He answered simply, opening a drawer where his clothing was. He had dimples on his back. It was funny to see, since they seemed like such a feminine thing for him to have. Although I suppose he can't really control those kinds of things.

What he could control, however, is the size he bought his shirts. I mean, he did have a nice enough body to get away with things like this, but the fact is is that his shirts always seem to stop about a centimetre or two before his pants.

"How could you have bugged me? I was listening to music," I replied, turning off the player. "If I could hear the water running, I'd probably just turn it up."

"Didn't want to damage your ears then," Brodi responded, pulling his shirt on over his head. "Ever think of that? At the decibels you would have had to listen to it at to drown out the shower would have caused long term hearing problems."

"You worry too much," I respond, only mildly impressed by his quick cover up. "So, what have you done so far today?"

"Went to the weight room," Brodi responded, his eyes not meeting mine. Not that we normally talked eye to eye, but it seemed deliberate this time. "Same as every morning we're not practising. Besides, why do you suddenly care?"

"Just curious," I reply while standing up. "Anyway, Eddie says he's glad your doing better than you were yesterday."

So I left the room again, there was too much time left in the day to just lay in there listening to music.

I walked to my locker, entering in my combination, and grabbed my snow gear and board. Really, I could leave everything except my board in my room, but that seemed a waste of time. Why keep your stuff in two different places? Whatever.

"Excuse me, you have to start at level one," The female operating the lift stated as I attempted to place myself on one of the chairs. "And go find your instructor, there's no way he's happy to see you over here."

"Lady! I'm in the preliminaries tomorrow," I responded, annoyed at this chick. "I'm one of the competitors in the championships! Now let me on!"

"Let me check my lists," the woman responded, pulling out a list. "Mac...Mac...I don't think you're on here..?"

"Mackenzie Fraser," I replied, sighing at her seeming stupidity. "Is it really that hard to put two and two together?"

"Well I kind of assumed Mackenzie was a girl," the chick responded. "Anyway, you're fine. Sorry for mixing you up."

Better be, I thought to myself, still annoyed by the employee. I put my headphones on, and turned on a playlist of Blink 182 and a few other bands that sound kind of like them.

And now I'm going down the slope, the beginning of Reckless is playing. I start my switch nosepress. Shit.

I didn't have enough air and I fell, my nose smashing into a really hard piece of snow. It probably had ice underneath. Ouch. I looked down at the ground, the snow had melted and blots of red were there. My nose felt like it was running.

"Great. I have a nosebleed," I say, my voice bubbled over from blood that invaded my mouth. I covered my mouth and place my head back while walking back down the rest of the way. Really didn't want blood flying everywhere else on my face as well.

I made it back to the loft, still holding my nose. Psymon was in there. When he noticed me he stopped talking, looked at me and started laughing.

"What's the matter Macky?" Psymon barked between fits of laughter. "Screw up your nosegrab? Wait...can you even DO a nosegrab?"

I ignored him and walked up the stairs to where my room was. Upon opening the door, I found Elise and Brodi shouting as they each attempted to win at some video game. It was weird to see those two playing games. Elise noticed me and paused the game.

"Hey kid, hurt yourself?" Elise asked, standing up and prying my hand away from my face. "Nope. Just some blood. Wash it off and you'll be good as new."

"Duh," I respond, "I'm not six. I know it's not a big deal."

"Then why'd you stop practising?" Elise retorted, hands on her hips. "If it's not a big deal, you should still be out there. What'd you screw up on, anyway?"

"Nosepress. Wasn't going fast enough," I reply, attempting to move around the tall woman. "Move, I'm trying to get to the bathroom."

"Say please," Elise taunted, but moved anyway.

I cleaned myself up, and went back down to the lounge area, where Psymon had fortunately left. Kaori was passing through, muttering.

"Mou dame...." Kaori mumbled, walking straight by me.

"Hey, Kaori," I call, tapping her shoulder. "You look like your gonna kill something."

"I fell again. There was a lot of blood, so it really scared me, but I wasn't bleeding," Kaori stated, "It was really weird."

"I fell too, actually," I reply, scratching the back of my neck. "It was whacked up. I never fall on simple tricks."

"Well, hope you're okay," Kaori responded, about ready to leave. She hesitated. "Also, why was there screaming in your room?"

"Brodi has Elise in there," I answer. At her look I clarified. "They were playing some kind of video game and got really into it."

"Oh, okay. See ya then," Kaori said and walked away.

Maybe I should see if I can play winner? I head up to the room again.

"Blasted!" I heard Elise shout. I entered the room and stared at the small TV in front of them.

There was a cartoon-esque girl there, looking embarrassed with lines below her said "No! You pervert! Not until we're married!"

"Uh...what are you guys playing?" I ask, staring at the odd game that Elise had apparently lost. "It looks like a cartoon porn game."

"Well, it kind of is," Brodi responded, laughing lightly. "I really wanted to see if Elise could unlock this girl for me. I've been trying to for awhile, but the cat-chicks are super hard to do."

"That girl is a saint in a see-through nightie," Elise scathed, glaring at the TV. "You're on your own."

With that, she got up and left, fuming about scanty clad cat girls. It was really funny.

"Would I be able to try?" I ask, weirded out by my room mate's choice in games.

"Nope, it's an eighteen-plus game," Brodi responded, saving and turning off the console. "I'll try again later. I'm hungry. Wanna eat?"

"Whatever," I respond, following Brodi down to the food court. I was amazed it was already around lunch time. Didn't seem like I did much today for time to be going by so fast. We sat at the table I had sat at with Eddie earlier.

"So, Brodi, what's with you and Elise?" I ask, taking a drink of soda from a straw.

"We're friends," Brodi responded, shifting in his seat. "It's kind of become a competition of our own. Who can lift the most weight, who can do the most push ups, who can run the fastest, that kind of stuff. Why do you care anyway?"

"I noticed you guys looked super close," I respond, cracking my knuckles. "Then today she's actually in our room, so I was just kind of like 'Woah, didn't see that coming.'"

"Too much of a feminist for me," Brodi responded, leaning back on his chair. "Well, too feminist to do that kind of thing."

"Okay then," I respond. "So, why am I here? Usually you eat alone."

"Well, I wanted to talk to you, obviously," Brodi stated, stabbing a fork into some kind of meat. "I wanted your opinion on it."

"Grape flavoured soda doesn't taste like grapes," I answer, amused at my own joke. "Try juice."

Brodi smacked me in the head, and continued to talk, "That wasn't what I was going to ask at all."

"Okay, fine, serious now," I answered. Brodi looked at me as if I were a liar. "No really, I'm totally serious."

"All right, this summer I'm going to be doing some research out on some of the trenches in the Atlantic," Brodi started, "And I have this cat at home. Will you be able to take care of him?"

This was too funny. Big buff Brodi needed help taking care of a cat. I started laughing, and he seemed to glare at me in that it's-almost-a-glare-but-not-really kind of way.

"Which state you from?" I inquire, picking at my finger nails. One of them had some dried blood from earlier crusted under it. "I could if you weren't all the way across the country."

"Eh. I'd drop him off if you agree," Brodi responded, leaning back in his chair again. "Mine's hard to find."

"Whatever. Drop him off if ya want," I answer, getting up and throwing away my leftover food. "See ya. Got some stuff to do."

I walk away from the cafeteria, and make my way up the stairs, knocking on the door of the room across from mine.

"Kaori! Wanna practise?" I call through the door. "If you do, meet me out at the third level, kay?"

I hear some tapping on the floor, the door opened slightly. Kaori's there, with her hair a mess and bleary-eyed. I might've woken her up. Oops.

"Go away," Kaori said, closing the door in my face. Well, she didn't seem too happy, I mused. Whatever, I'll go find Eddie.

"Give that back you asshole!" I heard someone shout from downstairs. Geez, why does all the drama seem to start in the lounge? "That's mine!"

And it was Eddie. With Psymon and Zoe playing Monkey in the Middle with his backpack. I wasn't surprised, carrying it around like that is just stupid, really. It's like you're just begging to get it taken. So I ignored it, it would fix itself somehow. It always did. Always. Without fail.

I don't know what to do with my day, and I hate it. Exactly why do I always seem to end up with those crappy days that never seem to have anything to do? Seriously. It's incredibly lame. Whatever.

Being alone, I had the time to think about yesterday. I blame it on impulse – power of suggestion even. You know, someone says something, then you keep thinking about it and it seems like a good idea? Then you just _do _it, consequences be damned? Yeah, that's what I think it was.

Either way, I felt it then, and now it's gone, which is a relief. I really have no clue how I'd deal with it otherwise. Eh, I'll just go play some shooter I think.

So, now I'm on the stairs, heading up to my room. I notice my socks were wet, which is odd. Especially since you're not allowed to wear boots upstairs. Probably Luther, I muse, continuing up the stairs despite the constant _squelch_ of my toes in my socks as water seeps through.

I cringe, the liquid was really cold, so I was glad as I finally hit the landing and it was dry. Although, that's actually even weirder than the wet stairs. Unless someone was continuously walking up and down the stairs in snow-covered pants or something, nowhere around here should be wet.

I suppose that really is one of the only possible explanations, but it doesn't feel right. It actually feels deliberate. I'm over thinking it, I know it. So, I shrug and enter my room to play some games.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Alpine Adoration

Rating: 15+

Warnings: Mild Language, Slash, Mild Violence, Mild Sexual Situations, Minor

Pairing: Mac/Brodi

Summary: Discussions really make you think. Thoughts lead to actions, and every action has a consequence. Although, consequences aren't always bad in the end.

Disclaimer: SSX Tricky and it's characters do not belong to me, they belong to EA Games, and I create these fanworks for fun, not profit.

A/N: This is in Mac's point of view.I can't believe I wrote Mac never being to a roller rink. Like, seriously, I see him as a Midwest kind of dude. And because I live in the Midwest, I feel like it's safe for me to say that I don't know anyone who's never been to a roller rink. (Although, everyone I know in my area is only about 40 miles away from the rink anyway, but still...)

* * *

It's really cold. Incredibly cold. Insanely cold. So, why, why, why, WHY did Brodi think today was a GREAT day for boarding? Sheesh, he must get cold too, there's no way he couldn't! Well, unless he was a robot. Then he couldn't get cold. But Brodi is Brodi, not a robot. Though, that could be pretty cool... "Robot Snowboarder Roommate Trilogy" would make for an awesome game title.

"Hmm, wha? Wasn't listening. I was kind of busy FREEZING," I complained, rubbing my hands against my shoulders in an attempt to warm them up. It failed. "I mean, I get that practising in the cold is best, according to you, but there has to be a limit as to HOW cold."

"It's only negative five, so quit whining," Brodi responded, scowling at me. "Besides, you're still failing a lot of your tricks."

This wasn't fair at all. I'm landing enough to win, and the rest are close to perfected as well. But of course Brodi wouldn't see it as 'almost there,' he'd see it as 'long way to go.' Adults are just so uptight sometimes.

"Can't wait until off-season," I heard Brodi grumble. Maybe he was getting cold too? I grinned, this was my chance.

"If you're cold too, let's go in," I offer, allowing myself to seem concerned. Really, I couldn't care less if the man was cold, but it got me out of here. Well, that's a lie. We are friends, so I do care about him, but I really do wish he would show some weakness that could get us inside.

"Fine," Brodi sighed. "It's clear you're too dead set on being second-rate to accomplish anything anyway."

That stung. I mean, I know he's purposely trying to make me feel bad about whining, but that really did hurt. It kind of made me feel sick to my stomach, the way he said it. He sounded really disappointed. So I looked down, and stared at my shoes. They were scuffed up from them being used so much. Perhaps I should get new ones later.

We walked inside in silence, while I felt a knot in my stomach seize and clench from his words. Come to think of it, I felt like a complete girl at his words. He had made me tremble, and seize up, in a near panic-attack like state. Okay, so maybe not like a girl, but weak at least.

When I got inside, headed straight into the shower in our room, he'll just go to Elise's anyway. He always goes over to Elise's for things like that. I shouldn't be that angry over things like that, I really, really, shouldn't. I mean, Brodi is a guy, and it would be kind of pathetic if he was still a virgin. Though it would be kind of funny. Well, maybe.

Today was stressful, even for not being all that late yet. I touched myself slightly, more out of boredom than anything. And I worked at it, touching myself in a way that would get myself off in the quickest way possible. Imagining a wide variety of things – this one hot girl from school back home, faked muffled moans, that porno that me and some friends rented back when we were thirteen, Brodi.

"Wha–?" I was startled, a huge pit in my stomach, as my hand stopped immediately, semen draining out of the shower. It was incredibly unexpected. I was shaken from it, how it made me release, and how much of a complete 'Oh what the FUCK,' moment it was.

I washed my body and hair, and stepped out of the shower, roughing my hair up with a towel on my way out. My legs shook slightly, and my breathing was rattly from the state of panic that seemed to emerge. Maybe I was like those people that enjoyed being scolded – masochistic, I think it was – and it would explain it.

But that pit in my stomach never went away, it only seemed to get worse as I wandered around the cabin, and decided to watch the current BMX competition that was on. I couldn't concentrate, my mind constantly wandering, stomach flipping, and my feet tapping around on the ground in anticipation. Anticipation of what, I didn't really know, I just kind of felt antsy.

I stood up, and walked a circle in the room and sat back down. I couldn't not think about it, but I couldn't think about it all the same. I wanted to try and fix what went wrong, why everything was so messed up today, but my mind couldn't concentrate on one topic, and I couldn't make heads or tails of anything, just a constant nagging in my head.

"Hey man, you okay?" Eddie asked, sitting next to me. He folded his hands together in his lap. I felt like I noticed more at this time than any other. "You look like you're going to puke."

"Yeah, I'm...fine," I responded, pausing to figure out the right word. "I just had a weird dream."

"A weird dream, huh," Eddie restated, his mouth hanging open. It didn't seem like he was getting any information at all. "Have you heard about Kaori and Psymon?"

"What about Kaori?" I asked, pushing aside my own disjointed thoughts. "Is she okay?"

"Well, is a relationship with Psymon okay?" Eddie asked, he seemed to be staring at me. "I mean, we know him as this weird sadistic freak and all, but like, is he different with relationships?"

"How the fuck should I know?" I snapped, standing up and getting ready to leave the area. This was ridiculous, why should I know if Psymon isn't a freak for people he's with? I sighed. "Just, leave me alone today. I'm not in a very good mood."

"Clearly."

I was so confused, it made me angry. I just wanted to punch walls and strangle kittens. Okay, maybe not strangle kittens, but you get the point. I mean, this is going to be so awkward! I seriously can't handle facing him like this. I mean, I have no clue at all what is going on and I think I like him, but I don't think I do because I thought I was straight, but I just jacked off and thought of him and jizzed, and now I'm just so confused because I thought I liked girls, but because that happened, and I've been interested in possibly kissing this guy that is way older than me who I think is already in a relationship and I just can't think of anything!

I'm so not all right. I'm such a fucked up person right now. I just want everything to stop and go back to how it was. I want it all to just be simple again.

"Quit acting like such a pussy, Kaori!" I heard Psymon shout from upstairs. "You know you fucking want it!"

"No, I don't! Quit putting words in my mouth!" Kaori screamed back, also upstairs. I head up to see what's going on, finding Kaori standing by the stairs, and Psymon leaning out of her room. "Don't put words in my mouth, don't force me to do things, don't talk bad about my friends, and don't stay in my room without my permission! You're acting like a huge creep!"

With that, I made my presence known, tapping on Kaori's shoulder.

"Are there any problems?" I ask, already knowing that she would deny them until others were gone.

"I'm fine, for the most part. But I want to talk to you," Kaori mumbled, her hands gripping my shirt. They were cold, as was her nose, that she was now pressing into my neck. She had probably been outside recently.

"All right, here, we can go to my room," I responded, placing my arm over her shoulder and guiding her down the hall past Psymon to my room. Once in, I sat down on my bed, and she sat on Brodi's, across from mine. "Take off your shoes, it's not like I'm going to force you out or anything."

"Oh, right," She said, slipping her shoes off, and folding her hands in her lap. She looked down, and yawned repeatedly. Her bangs were covering her face, so I could not see her. But that doesn't really change anything, I know that trick, she was hiding her tears. "Um, well...things aren't working anymore."

"What things?" I asked, placing my elbows on my knees, hunching over to look her in the eyes. It was kind of cute how short she was.

"Nothing is easy anymore," Kaori answered, looking up, moving the hair out of her eyes. "I can't just do something. I have to sit there and think, and think, and think, and I hate it. I want it all to be simple. I want relationships to not be a priority, I want my hobbies to be cheap, I want my friends to be ignorant and funny, and I want to be like a kid again. It's just not right, really."

"Kaori, what are you talking about?" I was seriously confused. This seemed like such an odd spiel for her to do. She's a happy person, with happy thoughts, and a fun attitude. What's so bad about it? "You really aren't fitting yourself, right now."

"I know I'm not," Kaori responded. "I'm never myself. I'm never the me I want to be, and I'm never the me people like me to be. I'm just stuck in the middle, trying to please everyone. I just can't do what I want anymore. I hate growing up."

"I can tell," I said, looking at her. She seemed so tired, it wasn't right for someone like her to have to worry. "If this helps though, people do like you, and I'm sure what you consider yourself comes through enough for us to like you. Really."

I moved over to Brodi's bed, placing a hand on her shoulder. I didn't really know what to do, not at all. I wasn't used to seeing anyone like this, ever. Not even my best friends back home would talk to me about things like this. It was slightly disconcerting.

"Um, well, Kaori," I began again, attempting to look at her. "I honestly can't say I know how you feel, and I know I can't understand, but I hope that you utterly confusing me makes you feel better."

I smiled awkwardly, it really was an odd statement, I guess. She laughed slightly, hugging me. I bet it looked like we were dating at that moment. She seemed a lot happier, I guess.

"Hey, Mac," Kaori whispered, forcing her face into the crook of my neck as she spoke. It kind of tickled. "You do know you can trust me, right?"

"Obviously," I responded, attempting to seem awesome. "I just don't really seem to have anything to think about. It's all kind of black and white at the moment."

That's a lie. That's such a huge lie. My whole world is grey, and there's nothing I can do about it.

"Oh, all right," Kaori seemed slightly put out, as if she knew that I was holding back. It wouldn't surprise me if she did, she can read me like a book. "But I'm just reminding you, so if you need me, just say so."

"Okay, I will," I answered, releasing my arms from around her waist. "I swear."

"Um, well, I have to go and attempt to get my room back from Psymon," Kaori mumbled, standing up awkwardly. "So, I gotta go, see you!"

"Wait! Do you need any help with it?" I asked, looking at her. I really don't think she'd be able to get her room back from Psymon by force.

"No, no, it's all good," Kaori responded, waving her hands around dramatically. "So, yes, see you."

And with that, Kaori hurried out of my room, and ran into Brodi at the door. Oops.

"Hey, kid," Brodi said as he walked in. "I really don't care what you do with your lady friend, but can it not be on my bed?"

"Oh," I said back, realizing that I was, in fact, sitting on his bed. "We weren't really doing anything at all. She just needed to vent, I swear."

"I believe you," Brodi responded.

"Then why would you say that?" I asked, looking at him. That was kind of annoying, saying things he already knew the answer to. "It seems kinda pointless."

"Well? I wanted to see how you'd react," Brodi answered, moving his hair. His cheeks were really red, and he had snow to about his knees. Must have been outside.

"Is it snowing or something," I stated, looking at his legs. "You're covered in snow."

"No, I kept falling on my knees," Brodi said back, shaking his pants. "I'm kind of cold, though."

"That's why you wear fleece pants, they dry off better," I replied, making point to spread my legs out. I was wearing grey sweatpants. "Besides, aren't they more comfortable than jeans?"

"Not really," Brodi answered, taking his shoes and pants off. His thighs were red too. He must have been really cold. "Fleece is uncomfortable. And fruity."

"I thought you didn't have a problem with fruits," I responded, crossing my legs. That might seem kind of suspicious, actually. Talking about gay people and covering my crotch. Oh well.

"I don't. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to poke fun at them," Brodi said, taking his socks off as well. They kind of stunk.

"How did you keep falling?" I asked, changing the topic. "I thought you were really good with control."

"I am, usually. There's this really slick spot. It seems like everyone's falling on it," Brodi answered, pulling out a fresh sweater from his dresser. "Like Kaori fell on it yesterday."

"Oh, that spot. Yeah, okay, I know what you're talking about," Recalling how my nose bled from the fall. "I don't get why. There's nothing special about it."

"Well, Mac, it's kind of like at a roller rink," Brodi began to explain. I've never been to a roller rink before, I've just heard of them. Like, you know, rollerblading and stuff, but I don't the exact dynamics. "If someone spills water on the rink, it becomes incredibly slippery and tons of people fall and slip from it."

"Oh, I see," I responded, leaning back on his bed. It seemed really comfortable. Perhaps it's just because it is another person's bed, but seriously. "So like, something caused the course to change a little bit?"

"Yep," Brodi answered, sitting on the bed near me. "Now get off. I'm going to bed."

"Are you serious? It's like, not even supper time yet."

"And? I'm tired. Go away."

"Fine. Fine." I grumbled, leaving. I'd find something better to do anyway. I can just feel it. Today will be better after I eat.

* * *

A/N: Bad spot to leave off, yes, but I kind of ran out of ideas. (Besides, it's been long enough without an update.) I thank you those who have reviewed, and I really have taken into account the things you have said, so yes, thank you for your support, despite the fact that this clearly isn't your pairing.


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